Growing up in the church, I remember sitting through meetings on Mother's Day wondering how it might feel if I were unable to have children or if I was like Sister so-and-so who was older than my mom and never married or had opportunity to have children.
Now I'm 26, have been married for 2 yrs 8 months, and currently going through my second miscarriage since Mother's Day last year. I'm dreading mother's day this Sunday. I know I will be a mom someday, and I know you don't have to be a mom to feel appreciated or accepted or deserve that special treatment/recognition/happiness of the day the nation recognizes as a tribute to mothers. And motherhood isn't just about having your own children and raising children. But it just isn't the same. It hurts, because it makes me think about the "children" I have lost.
Today, I came home from work for my lunch break and found my body had begun to really take its course and to miscarry the abnormal fetus in me. It's been a lot harder than I thought it would be, emotionally. And as I sat here talking to my husband over gtalk about the miscarriage and my physical/emotional state, I got an E-mail from someone close to me, who knows about my current situation. The E-mail was a Happy Mother's Day E-mail and sent to a number of other people. It was one of those chain-like E-mails with funny sayings, etc. I know this person knew I was going to miscarry soon, but she didn't know how incredibly bad her timing was. Or what I was going through at that exact moment. But boy did it hurt!
It's just a sticky situation! It's hard when coincidental things like this happen. Mother's day can be a happy and good day for me, but I wish the timing of my miscarriage and Mother's day didn't overlap like it seems it will be. My first miscarriage didn't really clear up until 5 weeks later.... I hope this one clears up before Sunday.
Feeling very much for you right now. So sorry about that email... very bad timing, like you said. But maybe a good day to start this blog.
ReplyDeletePlease know that this is meant in full sincerity and not sarcasm- do you have any ideas as to what ought to be done on Mother's Day so it isn't a day of pain and longing for non-mothers?
ReplyDeleteI think that's the toughest part.... it's just a personal challenge. I mean, we can't NOT have Mother's day! I need that to honor my moms and grandmas. Which is what the majority of the day will be spent thinking about and celebrating. But there is still that moment, or a few moments when you get sad/down thinking about how you've been trying for what seems to be forever and ever to become pregnant and it just hasn't happened yet. Or for me the "should have/could have/would have's" come back with full force and my wall crumbles down and I just let the thoughts flood my mind. . . but I know then I shouldn't think those things, but I just do. And then I have my little moment, and I feel better about it all, and get on with the day.
ReplyDeletebut yes Katherine, it's just hard at moments throughout that day. It's not really anything can do. B/c the things that are said for mom's, about their hard work and sacrifices they make as a wife/mom - are indeed very significant and honorable. It's one of those sticky situations... that gotta happen and ya just gotta go with it. At least in my opinion... I'm totally up to hear what others say and suggestions!
So glad you're on here Breanne/Katherine! I've been really nervous about how people might take this. I surely don't want to cross any lines or offend. Thanks!